God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
