i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
