my vag is so smooth its legendary
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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