Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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