Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
