At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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