White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
