Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
