i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
