I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
