So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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