i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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