i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
