K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
