pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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