I cut my penus on the lid.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
