why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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