you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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