so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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