ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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