I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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