All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
3pm strippers are depressing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
