I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
