I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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