It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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