why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize