do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt