my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO