i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice