I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.