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• (415): View more from California

  fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

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• (516): View more from New York

  You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  .....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you

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• (530): View more from California

  sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom

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• (415): View more from California

  Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.

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• (415): View more from California

  Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake

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