she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I could make wine with my vomit
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
