we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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