I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
