Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
