I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The beer is more important than you right now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
