Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
