Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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