i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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