the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
