A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
