That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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