Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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