She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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