my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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