and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
