bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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