woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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