I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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