I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
