thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
