We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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