Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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