He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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