I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
