how hairy? two words: wookie tits
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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