Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
