Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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