The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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