Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
