hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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