I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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