how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
