I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
