worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize