There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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